E Pardi

I took a personality test. My result is ENFP-T.. Or 'The Campaigner'

2021-02-06T03:21:06Z

My mind is extroverted.

Mental energy = intuitive.

Nature = my feelings rule me rather than my thinking.

Approach to work, planning and decisions = prospecting rather than judging.

Identity = turbulent rather than assertive.

Famous Campaigners:

Robert Downey Jr.

Russell Brand

Will Smith

Kelly Clarkson (no idea how since she is a million times stronger than I am)
Spider Man
Jennifer Keller (Stargate Atlantis)
Willy Wonka

"Long distance relationships are quite common among Campaigners, as they try to view physical distance as just another idea, no match for concepts like love."

I have also heard the T after ENFP suggests some sort of neuroticism, which is not surprising to me. Neurotic is only scratching the surface of what I am.

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This Covid 19 world is a nightmare you cant wake up from.

2021-01-25T19:42:56Z

Never in my liftetime did I ever think I'd see such a mess. Forget about the lockdowns and curfews. The invasive travel restrictions, flight bans, cancellations, invasive test requirements, border closures. Now they're even thinking of introducing some ridiuclous hotel quarantine requirement for people who are trying to go back to their own country.

This is hell on earth, the lack of free movement makes me feel like I'm trapped. I came to Portugal with a hope to briefly see the place and get a sense of the culture.. and then this hit like a tsunami.

Its not that I hate this place so much, its just that I think its well over due for me to go back to my flat for a little while to get re-aquainted with it. Even if I do decide to come back a few weeks after that.. thats just it, it'd be a choice. I feel like we are ever increasingly running out of choices as the world gets stricter and stricter.

I feel like we are living near the end of times, and I don't know whether to scream or cry. But I think I will lay down on my bed and cry.

If hell is real, I think I've already seen it. We are currently living in it.

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On a brighter note..

2021-01-11T21:08:31Z

Today I met Anton, a nice but seemingly troubled man who likes to look out over the ocean. We introduced ourselves, told him a little bit about myself.

Tomorrow I might go and sit on that same bench where he was sitting and he might appear, or not.

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Stewart, turned out to be a..

2021-01-11T21:03:53Z

Deranged, abusive, impulsive, womanizing bastard. Now its crystal clear to me why he can't even see his own daughter.

To add more weight to the saga, my dad is reporting him to the police tomorrow morning so he can take his "Christian" and bible-loving ass into a prison cell and think about his actions:

Today, he told me I should kill myself, even after my previous hospitalisations. Also, in reference to my virginity, he said "at least a slut knows what a real cock feels like." Then came the racial abuse which didn't make any sense because I am a UK resident. Umm? lol.

Deranged, deranged individual.

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Daveigh Chase, and why I adore her:

2020-12-13T19:27:54Z

+ Her beautiful blue eyes.
+ Her cute eyebrows.
+ Her soft, squeaky lilting Lilo and Stitch voice.
+ She can sing her butt off.
+ She could memorise and recite a whole prose on Big Love.
+ She could play a Mormon child bride, and a stripper later on, on Big Love.
+ In Donnie Darko she she says: "whats a fuck ass?" Haha.
+ Her long, beautiful hair - everchanging in colours, which all look good on her.
+ Her reputation as a bit of a wild child, a bit of a party girl.
+ She smokes cigarettes (maybe she doesn't anymore though)
+ She could play the badass and very scary 'girl in the well' in the Ring.
+ Her rendition of 'Happiest Girl in the whole USA' is the best ever. She even beats Lana Del Rey, a tough feat!
+ Her beautiful lips, not too big, not too small.
+ Not to be crass, but I wouldn't kick her out of bed. 😉
+ She dated a 20 year old black guy when she was only 17.

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Veronica Lake, the pretty lady in my icon.

2020-12-11T11:04:33Z

I wonder if I should keep on reading her autobiography today? So far, its been interesting. Reading is good for you :-) (well, it depends on what you're reading)

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A kind message to veritas_poet, since you've blocked me:

2020-12-11T10:49:20Z

I have already removed you. I understood your outrage and utter disgust with porn. In the future, don't click on my journal? Okay? :-) Especially not on the posts which are clearly rated 18.

Now please stop harassing me. I am recovering from my own demons and I don't need this crap in my life.

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callofthefoghorn @ 2020-12-06T22:03:00

2020-12-06T22:06:52Z

There are dogs barking all around this clinic. I wonder what they are communicating?

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Fuck Christmas.

2020-12-06T17:43:11Z

Fuck it with a twelve foot long broom handle, right in the ass.

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Stewart:

2020-12-05T17:05:46Z

I know you probably don't want to be with me due to how emotionally unstable you now see I am. I know I was the one who broke things off with you, but I want to recount our experiences on here, the good memories:

I liked when you winked at me and I laughed. I like how you were able to cheer me up the one time when I cried.
Moreover, I liked when you stroked your big, beautiful cock for me and I loved seeing you cum. I loved being able to show you my wet, swollen pussy. I especially love how you recounted your fantasies about how you'd bend me over and pound my pussy deep and hard. I loved when you told me I was corrupting you -- we both know it isnt exactly true! Lol. I especially loved when you told me you loved me, however sincere it was, or not.

I miss you Stewart. I miss what we once were, and the potential of what we could be.

At some point, in Ross, I will see you. I will probably kiss you on the cheek and tell you I love you.

Until or after then, I look forward to however many more experiences fate has in store for us.

Yours Sincerely,
Eni.

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Doin' Time

2020-09-27T20:18:45Z

All rights to Polydor/Interscope recordings, and Lana Del Rey.

Summertime—and the livin's easy
Bradley's on the microphone with Ras MG
All the people in the dance will agree

That we're well-qualified to represent the L.B.C
Me, me and Louie, we gonna run to the party
And dance to the rhythm—it gets harder

Me and my girl, we got this relationship
I love her so bad, but she treats me like shit
On lockdown, like a penitentiary
She spreads her lovin' all over
And when she gets home, there's none left for me

Summertime—and the livin's easy
Bradley's on the microphone with Ras MG
All the people in the dance will agree
That we're well-qualified to represent the L.B.C
Me, me and Louie, we gonna run to the party
And dance to the rhythm—it gets harder
(Harder, yeah, harder, yeah)

Oh, take this veil from off my eyes
My burnin' sun will, some day, rise
So, what am I gonna be doin' for a while?
Said, I'm gonna play with myself
Show them, now, we've come off the shelf

Summertime—and the livin's easy
Bradley's on the microphone with Ras MG
All the people in the dance will agree
That we're well-qualified to represent the L.B.C
Me, me and Louie, we gonna run to the party
And dance to the rhythm—it gets harder
(Harder, yeah, harder, yeah)

Evil—I've come to tell you that she's evil
Most definitely
Evil—ornery, scandalous and evil
Most definitely
The tension, it's gettin' hotter
I'd like to hold her, head underwater
(Summertime)
(Ah, ah, ah)

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My sexual orientation.

2020-09-02T21:33:39Z

The subject of sexual orientation should be such a trivial one, which why I don't know why I'm about to feel the weight of these words which will flow.
I'm not exactly pro-LGBT because I don't have such affiliation and allegience with them. I often think they are the ones who bully and ostracise those who don't think like they do. I don't want to attach myself with radical leftists and anarchists.
But, I am itching and urging to say.. I think I might be bisexual. Maybe everyone is to an extent. But in my personal case, I am deeply attracted to the CNN news lady Erin Burnett.
So much so, it scares me. I thought I was as straight as a plank.

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ASMR

2020-08-31T13:27:28Z

Watching ASMR on youtube is a pleasant and productive past-time for me. It seems far more productive than wasting time on social media, with the exception of this journal.
Just like journaling, ASMR is a form of therapy. It teaches me about the here and the now. To be fully present with a sense of stillness. This stillness is abundant with a sense of tranquility.

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PMS

2020-08-29T23:10:37Z

I don't know which is worse, the physical or psychological symptoms, or the lagging in commencement of a period.
You wait in turmoil as you wonder why you aren't bleeding. Maybe the waiting and wondering is a contributing factor in the symptoms.
Either way, PMS and amenorrhea are horrific. I don't even know what to do to promote regular monthly flows. Everything I thought I knew isn't particularly working.

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Rape as a psychic-concept.

2020-08-29T13:57:53Z

The topic of rape is one I have been grappling with for years. I felt I had to write this blog post, not for anyone else, but for myself.
Deconstructing rape and the psychology of it is as hard as climbing Everest. Once you almost get to the peak, there is a new challenge, a new set back, waiting to be de-coded.
Is the use of a penis one of violence, or of upportunism? I think maybe a little of both. Though this is not the form of violence intended to cause bodily grievance. It is still violating to an extent.
This begs the question: is the motivation to violate? I don't think so. I think the violation is a vehicle, an opportunistic vehicle, to enter a lady's body.
To decode rape as a psychic-concept, and to summarise it: I think the rapist is an opportunistic pig. Think of the situations in which rape occours: war zones, church parishes, police custody.
These are all instances which afford the opportunity to violate a body.
I am aware many femisists and humanists alike would disagree with me. They would argue that rape is a power struggle, where the rapist holds the power and the glory.
But I don't think so. The only power there is, is the power of sex. Whether it be forced or consensual sex is irrelevant in this concept.
I guess you could sum it up as an opportunistic attempt to reap the power of sex, where otherwise there would be none to be had.
Lets face it, finding a consensual sexual partner in this world is no easy feat, even for the more whorish of us. For the rapist pig: why find it when you can obtain it?
Rape is about opportunism of sex, anyone who disagrees can write an essay of their own. But I have grappled with this concept for years, and my conclusion is the only one which makes sense to me.

Signed,
Eni P.

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